This month has been entirely unexpected.
What I had thought would be (based on my calendar) the busiest month of my business in the past year, has actually become one of the quietest.
What I expected to be full of outward energy, connecting to the world, creating wildly & publicly full of the titillating sparks of Spring, has been a totality of turning inward towards the bubble of our immediate family. A full directional shift of all energy ~ turned towards the needs of my own body at the beginning of the month followed by my Sons.
Such is the nature of true urgency that the whole world rearranges to meet it.
While the structures we have built can still hold us in these moments, sometimes - the commitments that those structures were created from must temporarily dissolve in order to meet the watery vastness that is Feminine Integrity.We have long equated “integrity” with its more ‘masculine’ expressions - honoring our word, keeping commitments, following a logical path & finding the strength to push ourselves past the edge of our preferences into the realms of brilliance.
I find each of these qualities gorgeous and necessary for both men & women when held in balance.Much as the male phallus points solidly outward into the world, anchored by the strength of sinew and spine - so too does masculine integrity.
But feminine integrity is a different creature entirely.
This is born from the supple darkness of the cave.
The silent swimming of awareness that is woven within the orbital compass of a softened belly.
Full heart, full womb, full instinct.
Feminine Integrity is listening to the quiet voice of our intuition and moving our bodies in accordance with its instruction.
It is the primal imprint of a Mother knowing when the only thing that matters in the entire world is holding her child, and everything else can fall away.2 weeks before my Son's emergency surgery I became quite ill with detox symptoms from a new health protocol I am on. As this started to ease, I still found myself in immense resistance to the fullness of my calendar.I questioned myself a lot with this - am I being avoidant of my own growth? Am I simply struggling with commitment? Is this an old pattern of not wanting to uplevel?
But in the midst of this questioning, I found myself instinctively saying No to new opportunities, slowing things down, thinning out my schedule, rearranging classes to create more space.
Then just like that, we were leaving the ER at night with our Son, transferring to Lisbon where a surgeon was waiting for us.
Suddenly, everything made sense, and within a few hrs - my whole calendar was cleared.
My knowing knew this was coming.
Feminine Integrity (to me) is an orientation towards the inherent value of Life & care and deep, beautiful nurturance.
In more balanced moments of life, I tend to all of my Creations with a balance of showing up to my commitments, honoring my words, and even pushing a little when necessary.
But when the time comes to choose one thing over another - my Son, my family, my body & my own well being will ALWAYS come first
And my sense is this is exactly how it is supposed to be.