This topic came up in one of my containers recently & I’d like to share a little about it here because I think it's something that's not often spoken about in the coaching industry with a lot of nuance.
If you are making a substantial investment in coaching, I encourage you to take the due diligence to make sure the person you are working with is the right type of support for you right now. As in - do they actually have the skills to meet you where you are at ~AS YOU ARE~ or do they only represent where you want to be?
A lot of ppl invest thousands in coaching & don't get results.
It's true.
It's why folks like to throw so much shade on the coaching industry calling out practitioners w/o taking full responsibility for their results.
I have been on both sides of this in the past 9yrs.
The way I see it is there are 5 key components as to whether a 1-1 coaching container will be successful for someone:
The integrity & boundaries of the container being offered.
The coach’s ability to attune to the client & lead them CLEARLY in a way that is relevant & supportive
The client's ability to listen, RECEIVE & metabolize what is being offered and follow the lead they are given.
The compatibility between client & coach.
TIMING - as in is this container & this coach in alignment for this client RIGHT NOW.
I have had a few ppl come to me over the years that were (in the moment of us working together) ‘Uncoachable’.
I’ve met this in various ways.
Sometimes I have referred them on to another practitioner with different skill sets, refunded them or in the early days especially - wrestled my way through until we got at least something.
These days I tend to shift the focus towards the part of them unable to connect to themselves & unable to receive. Sometimes this is slow & tender and like disarming a bomb. Sometimes it is knowing the bomb needs to explode to get through the blockage and so I poke it in the right spot until it blows up in my face.
In the wreckage of this - there can often be found incredible beauty.
Someone being “uncoachable’ could mean a lot of different things and rarely means that they “don’t want to do the work” because why else would they be there?
I have been the bomb.
And I know what a tough spot it can be.
To so deeply want transformation but to be a minefield for anyone that wants to help me get there.
I can tell you that for me when I was uncoachable it came from somewhere deep in my nervous system that was terrified of doing something wrong. This was one of my core wounds that was, as yet, not fully uncovered - and ultimately stemmed from fear of abandonment.
I was unconsciously terrified that if I was seen doing something wrong or not having the answer - I would literally die, alone & in pain.
This was a preverbal trauma for me and took many years to unravel.
I wanted nothing more than to get through this block that seemed like it was not only impacting my ability to be coached but also how I related in partnerships & made money.
Eventually, in my Attunement Therapy practitioner training a few years back, I finally got this spot. But it took me being held like a baby and sobbing my heart out for more than an hour to get there.
The big, flashy high stakes, multi thousand dollar coaching containers couldn’t even get close to it.
Not because they weren’t good for other ppl, but because they weren’t the right support for me at that time.
A lot of ppl arent ready for higher stakes containers until they have done the deep, slow work their nervous systems need to actually open.
Starting where you are actually at is one of the smartest choices you can ever make.
In Truth & Beauty,
Phoenix